So we've come this far...

This was a triumph
I'm making a note here:
HUGE SUCCESS 
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction 

Aperture Science 
We do what we must because we can
For the good of all of us 
Except the ones who are dead

But there's no sense crying over every mistake 
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake 
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun
For the people who are still alive 

I'm not even angry 
I'm being so sincere right now 
Even though you broke my heart and killed me
And torn into pieces 
And threw every piece into a fire 
As they burned it hurt because 
I was so happy for you 

Now these points of data make a beautiful line
And we're out of beta, we're releasing on time 
So I'm GLaD I got burned, think of all the things we learned 
For the people who are still alive

Go ahead and leave me 
I think I prefer to stay inside
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you 
Maybe Black Mesa -
THAT WAS A JOKE. HA HA. FAT CHANCE. 
Anyway, this cake is great
It's so delicious and moist 

Look at me still talking when there's science to do
When I look out there it makes me GLaD I'm not you
I've experiments to run, there is research to be done
On the people who are still alive

And believe me I am still alive 
I'm doing science and I'm still alive 
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive 
While you're dying I'll be still alive 
And when you're dead I'll be still alive 

Still alive 
Still alive 

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

Time is running out

Desperado, oh, you ain't getting no younger.

Autumn has come, and this is certainly a very strange time in my life.

I don't feel cold when I am supposed to.

I am still studying when I am not supposed to be.

I am supposed to be better in Chinese (amongst all other things) but I'm not.

I do things that I am not supposed to.

Blah.

I have been telling myself that it's important to know my position.

When you know your position, you know what you should do, and how to do it right.

Then what?

Freedom, oh freedom

That's just some people talking

Just to write something, to remind myself who I am.

And, probably, to accept who I am.

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?

The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine

It's hard to tell the night time from the day

You're losing all your highs and lows

Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

Hey Jude

第一次聽這首歌那年，我應該是中四，hkflash仍流行的年代。

因為我是先從某位討厭的人的hkflash日記讀到歌詞，再從WinMX把歌下載來聽的。

據偉大的維基百科所講，Paul McCartney當初寫這首歌給John Lennon的兒子Julian Lennon的。

John當年因小野洋子的緣故跟Cynthia離婚，對年紀尚幼的Julian來講自然是一個打擊。

Paul送這首歌給Julian，就是為了安慰這可憐的小孩。

雖然Julian二十年後才曉得歌曲的主角是自己。

Hey Jude, refrain.

Don't carry the world upon your shoulder.

那麼多年來，這首歌實在伴我走過了很多很多的路。

那時在英國，其實一件愚蠢的事，就是沒有去過Liverpool，欣賞一下Strawberry Field，漫步Penny Lane，或在黃色潛水艇前留影。

事實上那時很多事都應做卻沒有做，例如要獨個兒在倫敦的博物館消磨一整個下午。

這事倒在香港做到了。

早兩星期無聊走到沙田文化博物館想找點東西看，竟然湊巧碰着名為「Made In Britain」的專題展覽，心中不禁叫好。

遇着閒日，沒有Pixar的文化博物館，付上五元大餅，就能享受着仿如包場般的享受。

香港人，果然是沒有文化的。所謂西九文娛藝術區，容許我這樣講，食屎啦大白象。

當然，其實我也並非甚麼文化人。

一幅幅畫，一個個雕塑，一段段影片，看着看着，似懂非懂的。

純粹幻想自己身處Tate Modern，自我感覺良好。

現在近水樓台，無無聊聊，擇日再去。

在絕望的地方，在自己仍未身陷最絕望時，好應享受一下生活。

所以才說沉醉於藝術的人是幸福。

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

The winner takes it all

我們天天活在這個充滿鬥爭的世界。

爭石油，爭釣魚台，爭做特狗，爭普選，爭產，爭寵，爭妍鬥麗，爭風吃醋，爭上位，爭醫院床位，爭學位，爭奶粉，爭iPhone，爭上巴士地鐵，爭考第一，爭櫈仔，爭舉手答問題。

爭爭爭，爭爭爭，爭爭爭爭爭爭爭。

今天又被說不夠aggressive。
我心想我知道啊，不止是不夠aggressive，我是完全地不aggressive，所以總是爭輸的一個嘛，今次也不會例外。

不夠aggressive是錯嗎？
大概不是，但會蝕底，會執輸，會被超越。然後別人冷冷拋下一句：你死你事。
而且 「成功爭取」到係巧威威，值得歌功頌德的。

唔爭就冇架喇，唔爭就冇架喇。

從小開始被equip的一切，都是為了長大後與人爭一日之長短。

弱肉強食，適者生存，實在有其道理。
不夠（跟）別人爭，就會被淘汰哦。

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

Snapshot

老態龍鍾的老人
籠內吱吱喳喳的小鳥
入大餅扭蛋的死肥仔
同樣吱吱喳喳的師奶
背心熱褲的女孩
提着黃色雨傘的小學雞
把玩着哎瘋的MK
屋村路都要爬人頭的小巴司機
坐着輪椅派傳單的叔叔
拿着旗袋的嬸嬸
宿醉未歸的外藉人士
暫時只剩下少於75%聽覺的青年

在一個尋常的星期六早上越過了彼此的生命

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

Reflection of My Life

原來不知不覺間回來已一年。

一切好像是昨天發生，但昨天和今天之間又發生了很多很多的事情。

但發生過後，一切的境況跟一年前，甚至四年前，又有甚麼分別？

我卻變得不適應這地方的多人，多事，多行不義。
一切都看不透，一切都很絕望。

上星期上寶馬山，一想起那天本該是自己的畢業日，就覺得很難過。
不過，甚麼叫做「本該」？

其實我是很高興自己有機會見識各種不同的事物，各種的高高低低，縱然低的是比較多。
但又怎樣，見識過的，除了讓自己懷緬之外，又有誰有空去理會？

兩手空空的去，兩手空空的回來。
撇脫得就像去了一個三年的旅行一樣。

但我不是。

我一直的不瞅不睬不聞不問，只是我不想面對這殘酷的現實。

今日再上山。
同一個禮堂，同一種忐忑。
不同的是，我已沒有任何期望。

曾經以為自己是君臨天下，十拿九穩。
怎料不是。

我為LSE哭過，也為Durham哭過，然後也為這間被蔑視被當作野雞的哭過。

我的底線已愈降愈低。
然而面對這一切卻仍然失諸交臂。

已多次經過QC門而不入。
原諒我的潛行，但實在沒面目見江東父老。
十二月曾經嘗試厚着面皮上過一次水，感覺就是丟人現眼。
又何苦再自取其辱？

若非我媽，我根本進不了QC。
符符碌碌的碌過了七年，然後又是兩手空空。

回來一年，仍舊兩手空空。

這十年到底是怎樣的一回事？

***

南畝耕，
東山臥，
世態人情經歷多。
閒將往事思量過，
賢的是他，
愚的是我，
爭甚麼？

You guys keep fighting. I quit.

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

my days are numbered

這是一條很斜的斜路。

下雪時，要走上去的確有點兒吃力。

那時，每一次下課，總要走過一大段的斜路才可以回到宿舍。
我承認，我曾經因為不想花氣力走這一段路而走堂。

最遠的lecture hall要走上半個小時才到，名義上一節lecture一小時，但有些lecturer竟只上40-45分鐘。
我一來一回的時間也比真正上課的時間多。

*

可以走時不想走，到沒機會了，總會後悔。

朋友們2:1的2:1，1st的1st。
達者為先。

我也該好好的享受這最後的兩天。 

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

不存在的零碎片段

「嘩你買咁多丸上嚟我邊食得哂！」

「食唔哂，過兩日淥麵時拎嚟做餸，你呢個星期就唔怕冇嘢食。」

「你expect我一日三餐都淥麵加丸食？」

「有乜問題？」

「你唔悶我都悶囉！」

「熱辣辣又快靚正，你仲想點？我以前……」

「一日三餐cereal嘛，痴線。」

*

「嗱，唔開心時，對住個海大叫，你就會心情舒暢返哂。」

「你睇電視太多喇，老土。」

「你試過未先？」

「無聊。」

「試過未先？」

「唔同你玩呀。」

「即係未啦。」

「你嗌先囉。」

「你嗌完我陪你嗌，come on。」

「無聊。」

*

「黃色呢隻藥丸，四個鐘食一次每次一粒。藥水都係四個鐘食一次，每次格半。仲有白色呢隻丸朝早瞓醒空肚食，一粒。」

「你覺得我會記得？」

「唔會。」

「寫低佢啦。」

「喂啲label上面有架囉。」

「寫低佢啦。」

「啋你都傻。」

「我病喎。」

「大哂呀？」

「係大哂架，寫啦。」

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

morning croissants

It's been a while.

Maybe I have nothing to write. Maybe I am too lazy to write. Maybe I don't even like writing.

I am sort of colourblind, so I can never completely feel the splendour of the purple.

Those were not the more successful years for me in the UK, but when I was there, I never missed HK.

I don't like summer in HK.

It's hot. It's rainy. I am not a beachy person. I can give you ten thousand more reasons.

But whatever. I don't like summer in HK.

Last year, I saw my friends in HK graduating. This year, I am going to see my friends in the UK graduating.

When these events are supposed to be joyful, I feel weird.

And for the past few years, I have another reason to hate summer in HK.

It's like an endless trail for me.

Endless trial too.

Yeah I know I am getting more and more cynical.

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

A Year of Destruction

No fond memories.

No hints for the future.

No signs of revival.

Am I supposed to feel sad just because it was the last day?

But no. I am NOT sad. Not even a bit.

So eventually the bad decision still cannot be justified.

To make it worse, things happened here have completely destroyed my confidence.

Maybe I simply don't deserve what I want.

But what do I really want, when the "d****" is destroyed as well?

This is my response, and also a wrap-up of the year. Very nice.

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

Quack!

Hello. I'm a mallard. Unlike a domestic duck, I can fly.

I've been to the City of Music, City of Water, and the City of Literature.

I've been to Leeds, and the Isles of Greece. I sipped champagne on a ship.

I've been to Paradise too,

but I've never been to me.

Look at those ducks. They are very, very well-fed. They are fat. They can't fly since the very beginning. But what next? Slaughter. Bloodshed. And various dishes on table for people to enjoy.

Once you've seen all kinds of beauties outside, you just can't bear the confinement in the cage any more, even if it's fully supplied with food and warmth. I just want to fly away. I haven't seen enough. I want more. But how the hell can I escape from it by myself?

After all, I'm just a bird. The cage is made of hard metal. When I'm kept in it, I can fly but I can't fly.

I'm so small. My power is weak.

Yet my desire is huge.

And it brings sorrow.

Why did you come back to the cage in the first place?

A cage is always a cage, no matter how big it is, how sufficient of food in it, how many companions beside, it is still a cage, designated as a hindrance to your movement, your potential, your life.

Birds are not the most intelligent animals, are they?

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

虛

前面是甚麼？

我懷念背後的美景，

所有的聲音喃嘸喃嘸催促我向前走。

我說，不，我走不了。

沒有勇氣，沒有力氣，只有一肚子的怨氣。

但原來我不用自己走。

大家在同一條河道上漂浮。

只能前進，不能逆流。

下一秒，分支，

你往你的明媚風光，

我去準備被大浪吞噬。

抵死！

聲音又再嘲笑我跳船。

我說了句髒話，然後手掩着耳朵。

聲音仍在，

而且一字一句更清楚的，

笑得更猙獰。

是我心裏的小鬼。

我火了，

恨不得把心挖出來，

王石俱焚。

但我怕痛。

不過又有何妨？

反正已在痛。

痛不在錯過了的，

卻在知道已無法再回到船上。

捱下去，

是無止境的折磨，

是繼續的捱。

笑吧，笑吧，繼續笑吧。

然後，

我發現，

原來，

根本沒人在笑。

根本沒人理會。

噬！

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

Strawberry Fields Forever

我是懷着忐忑的心情去決定考多次IELTS的。
為了一個數字。
但這數字是我最後一個仍能感到點點點點點點點點自豪的證據。
我很不願意親手把它毀滅。
是的，我已經將自我價值與這個虛幻的數字緊扣在一起了。
過往我最鄙視別人作的，今日我完全套用到自己身上了。
但若果連這也沒有了的話，我已不知道自己可以再怎樣了。
謝謝你們告訴我讀文學不應該太市儈地計較數字。
那計算我的GPA時也能夠不把中文科計算在內嗎？
我承認自己有責任，但無改這些仍是狗屁廢話的事實。
***
想起那時每次坐X1都會經過的一塊塊無邊際的田。
夏天會長出一大片的黃黃的油菜花田。
所以是真的，任何本來平平無奇的東西，逝去之後也能鋪上一層薄薄的哀愁。
不知怎的，就會變得漂亮和令人懷念。
人如是，景如是。
這就叫point of no return？

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

This is entirely fictional. (1)

「咔嚓」一聲，很不經意的，就把這看似牢不可破的咖啡罐打開了。

然後他想起那個很聰明很聰明但卻不懂開汽水罐不懂扭水瓶蓋的她。

天才的故事總是讓人神往。

她的才華已經將這些瑣碎的缺點完全蓋過了。

然後他霎地發現，一個如此簡單的動作把他出賣了。

原來他並不是天才，卻只是千萬個能夠做出這種普通人認為是普通事的普通人之一而已。

Paul McCartney在唱「Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...」。

發回了被評為垃圾一般的論文，心有一沉，但已不是之前般的呼天搶地了。

畢竟他只是一個會開咖啡罐的庸才。

鐵塔上的天空藍不藍，賽納河畔的牛角包香不香，都不再重要了。

就當這是僅僅足夠點一點頭，交換一個微笑的交錯，然後不會再見。

又怎樣了？由他吧。

有在下面襯托的人，才顯得上面的人高貴。

他一直都知道清楚自己的位置是很重要的。

Paul McCartney又在唱「Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be...」。

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

願

Such beautiful lyrics.

最美一幕
還未閉幕
最闊的路在塵世遠方
最好知己永在身旁
聽我講
我從不說謊

我想相聚
誰便再聚
我想歡樂便隨意去追
我想相信我做得對
想到人極疲累

我自信
有日如願
縱使天高地厚
仍被我逆轉

假使
一生會沒了沒完
總有日會如願

當結局未揭穿

Posted via email from Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

癲狗亂吠

其實我並不討厭中文。

怎可能討厭？曾經滄海難為水嘛，而我從來不是容易忘情的人。

只是中文討厭我而已。

所以做老師有甚麼好？隨時一個小小的決定就毀了學生一生，不用解釋，不用爭辯，刺激透了。

不記得是誰跟我講，說只不過這些遊戲的規則不適合我玩罷了。

但我們不就只是着重這些規則嗎？我們能夠不玩嗎？你趕不上玩不了就會被自然淘汰，Simple as that。

一直都誤以為自己非池中物，不知是不是所謂入過「名校」的錯。

看不起人，總覺得自己差極都有個譜。

以為有着比其他人清高的情操，卻只是自命清高。

好高騖遠，希望有一番成就，但連車邊都未掹得上。

回心一想，對比起這種生活，原來我比較想住洋樓養番狗揸波子飲紅酒。

以搵大錢為終身目標的人，你們是有福的。

雖然未必個個搵到，但最終成功的人總會在你們中間。

沒有如此目標的人，是不能夠走到這一步的。

你說我變了，可能是真的。難怪之前老一輩的總是說你班八十後當真正踏入社會面對現實時就會自然乖乖就範。

或許大家都曾年少輕狂，但若果可以安安穩穩上岸做個優皮中產扮吓bourgeoisie，誰能抗拒？

美女香車當前，很想要吧。

我想呀。

你們恥笑中大碩士又毒又無叉用，我反而真心可憐他。

挑，縮班咪縮班，根本個個都係為自己利益着想。

一邊話要cut budget，另一邊講到正氣凜然，最後咪又係驚死自己個仔入唔到得唔到「優質教育」。

你個仔有料就有料，唔通入到名校就曉飛會教你Defence Against the Dark Arts？冇料好心就認命啦，夾硬俾你入到去咪又係出唔返嚟。

其實我已經很幸福，曾經機會在我面前，放棄的是自己。

咎由自取，與人無尤。

快啲捉我歐化啦，中文達人。

Posted via email from slippery when wet

How can you mend a broken heart? (Reprise)

Every night before I sleep I just hope it's just a bad, bad nightmare.

Just I always get disappointed the next morning.

The past few years have been a real mess.
While people are finding ways to prove their existence, I wish there's a way to do it the other way round.

As we are yet to have a real one, I took a ride on my own time machine - to read my old blogs.

March is always a special month for me, as in all the previous March, they were filled with unexpected events, both good and bad.

It was March 2008, I was eagerly anticipating a reply from the L school.
I was excited, and at the same time, nervous.

Early in the month, I took an entrance exam, which was considered as a breakthrough already for a foundation course student.
I didn't give a shit at all. All I needed to know was the result.

My IELTS result also came out that month, and it looked alright. I thought perhaps there could be a miracle coming?

Days after days, I just couldn't focus on doing anything.
My heart skipped a beat every time a new email came.
But no. None of them was from the school.

I kept waiting, until the very last day of the month.
And I got rejected.

How nice it was.
Then a pitiful prospectus got torn into pieces.

It was March 2009, I had an telephone interview from the C school. I did well and they gave me an offer. An offer with the condition that's totally unachievable. And I screwed it up. It was the closest distance between the the C school and me.

It was March 2010, I was (mis)diagnosed and treated as a mentally ill person. Ha ha.

These are just a little part of my March stories.

So many people are getting interviews or even offers now. Does it irritate me? No. Not at all.

Life just seems to be lighter when you're not hoping for anything good.

And I am just waiting for crappy things to happen in the next couple of weeks, with some excitement.

Posted via email from slippery when wet

Ignorance is kind

「假如一間鐵屋子，是絕無窗戶而萬難破毀的，裡面有許多熟睡的人們，不久都要悶死了，然而是從昏睡入死滅，並不感到就死的悲哀。現在你大嚷起來，驚起了較為清醒的幾個人，使這不幸的少數者來受無可挽救的臨終的苦楚，你倒以為對得起他們麼？」

很認同魯迅這樣的質疑，不過他最後還是決定要吵醒那幾個人。

我始終覺得，為甚麼就不由他們無痛離去？

太殘忍了。

是誰吵醒了我？

誰會料到，這樣回來，結果不是圓夢，反而成了殺夢。

實在想不明白。

春天真是令人抑鬱的季節。

同時我對這地方的厭倦及絕望已達到極限。

Posted via email from slippery when wet

A Letter

Dear dream,

**c* you.

Best,

J

Posted via email from slippery when wet

Troubled Water

I've always been living beside waters.

The Victoria Harbour, the Solent, the Wear.

And the Troubled Water.

I live on this side, and the thing is on the other side.

I've never touched it, never seen it.

But I used to believe it really exists.

Does it?

Is the other side of the Water even reachable?

Everyday - I try and I try and I try - 

But everybody wants to put me down 

They say I'm goin' crazy 

They say I got a lot of water in my brain 

Got no common sense 

I got nobody left to believe

I jumped into the Water, and then got drowned - again and again and again.

Either I'm crazy, or super-crazy.

Why am I still alive?

Then I was woken up.

It was only a dream.

You can be disappointed in me, but I am too tired for it.

The thing is dying, if not already dead.

It's like the Schrödinger's cat. You never know. Because you can never open the box.

Or you open the box, only to discover that the cat is dead but still convince yourself it's alive?

Why did you wake me up?

Oh right. I asked for it. I thought you could stop my fall.

I thought I could find, or build the Bridge.

But no.

And now I prefer living in darkness.

Hello, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again.

Posted via email from dreams intersection

Ice cold

I had a chocolate cookie frappe last week.
"Are you sure?", the cashier asked, "It's full of ice."
Without a slightest hesitation - "Yup."

Cold drinks are so delightful, even in winter.
Anyway it wasn't quite wintery was it? Hey it was over 20 degrees!

Everything seems to be reminding me a lot of the past, the frappe was not an exception.
Oh the cozy cafe beside the Framwellgate Bridge, the shake shop on the New Elvet.
I tried really hard to resist the temptation of buying another large cup of shake, which would cost me around £5 or something, just like when I was still in secondary school - to stop myself from buying chips every recess, to save $5 a day.

No matter it's £5 or $5, I mostly gave in. What a failure.
But so what? It is delightful!

Reason why I took over a year to repay the debt to a very very kind insect.

I didn't know whether I felt it right - while I was having the frappe on the street, people gave me a strange look.

Guess it'll take some time for me to get used to the "normal" way of living in Hong Kong, which I am quite reluctant to.

And it got cold again.

"Oh you're still wearing a coat - finally!", a classmate said in astonishment yesterday.
I am quite happy to be different, though this can be deemed to be abnormal.

Then I realised I wear the same amount of clothes while it was snowing.

Yes I admit the increasing feeling of missing the D-town was induced by yet another failure.
But life's amazing isn't it? You never know where it leads you to. You never know what a smallest decision will ripple to.

Sisi's life was such a tragedy - being a empress could do you not much good.
Dealing with the annoying royal etiquette, the early death of the firstborn daughter, the suicide of her only son, an unsuccessful marriage, and eventually - a totally random assassination of herself.

Could it be any worse?

Probably that's why she loved to travel a lot.

I'm lucky to have visited two places she lived in.

I've never been to Nice, but I've been to Leeds and the isles of Greece.

Good enough.

Posted via email from dreams intersection

Random thoughts

I am just trying to write something every day, for my own pleasure.

Had a literature lesson yesterday. We read Anton Chekhov's Rothschild's Violin.

I quite like Yakov's concept of "losses". Am I being abnormal? Am I doomed? Are you going to condemn me as you did to him? Does it undermine the work I've put in throughout the years (if any)? Why must you take everything to the extreme? Don't you know being extreme in ANYTHING makes no good anyway? You are just hypocritical.

Just the concept - I don't approve of what he did to people around him. I did lose something after all so please allow me to think at least I am eligible to adopt the idea. But I still have sympathy for him. Aren't we forced to "quantify" our lives? Or to put it this way - aren't we being calculated all the time? How much money do you make? What score did you get last semester? What fascinates us mostly? Numbers. What defines success mostly? Numbers. Welcome to the world of numbers.

I have a different interpretation of the story ending. Most likely I'm "wrong", but I insist, as literature is supposed to be open to interpretation - if you can't be bothered about numbers.

曾經俾人話讀呢啲嘢會讀壞腦，其實好似真係會架。

Posted via email from dreams intersection

the diary of a primary school chicken (duckling)

I prefer using black ball pens to blue ones, because black ink looks good.

A classmate didn't bring her pencil case to class and asked whether I could lend her a spare pen.

I had three: A - one nice and normal and working black pen, B - another black one with not much ink left, and C - a normal working blue one, but no good as it's blue.

 

I lent her pen A, which I was using, then I picked up B and tried to write with it.

It totally ran out of ink within minutes.

I reluctantly used C for the rest of the lesson.

 

Blue. Yuck.

 

I used to have a purple pen when I was younger, without knowing it's purple.

I thought it was blue, and liked it a lot,

until the day I was blamed for using it to do homework.

 

Time for lesson.

I hate school.

Posted via email from dreams intersection

After all, it's just a dream - no more than that.

在Portsmouth那一年我已經跟好友講「邯鄲學步」的故事。

其實這也是我小時候從「成語動畫廊」看回來的。

那時總是很怕自己會變成這樣。

而事實證明我並沒有過慮。

我最後一篇寫完令自己滿意的「文章」正正就在我出發到邯鄲之前。

有足夠理由相信這並不是純粹的巧合。

﹝然後這幾個月又發現自己的中文其實很「歐化」，上面一句是很好的例子﹞

擁抱中國文化？我呸！連筷子都未識揸，連成個sem成績都會俾中文科s拉低哂。我呸！

夠了，我從今以後再也不會自詡甚麼甚麼甚麼甚麼。

自從放棄堅持了多年的「不後悔政策」之後，我對所有發生過的事情就如排山倒海般地後悔。

不後悔，我反而可以厚着面皮說自己每一個決定都是勇往直前。

一後悔，就只看到自己懦弱退縮的一面。

抑或是我之前堅持着不後悔去麻木自己去掩蓋自己懦弱的一面？

因為我很怕作錯的決定。

然而我愈怕錯，就愈做錯。

過則勿憚改。

我再不願意，也有一個小小小小的新年願望。

把握好一點時間。

看多兩齣電影，或者讀多兩頁書，或者寫多兩行字，或者聽多兩段BBC新聞。

應該可以令自己的罪疚感減低一點。

哪怕只是一點。

一切的發生是我始料不及的。

這句有點廢，我料得到的，就不會做錯的決定。

一直都沒變的只有一樣。

就是很喜歡將自己不濟的一面公諸於世。

是潛意識裏希望人可憐？

不，不，不要。

I'm just a poor boy.

I need no sympathy.

Darn. No. Not this song. This, again, is so depressing.

其實我只是需要一個渠道發洩。

但大槪我短期內都不會再打那麼大段中文。

Posted via email from dreams intersection

Unfinished

So, see how many things I have left unsorted in Durham:

Telephone bills.

Library fines.

A degree course.

Places I should have visited but somehow didn't manage to.

A chance to fight with my dear friends against the evil dissertation.

Do all kinds of silly things to Bill Bryson in the Cathedral.

And the list goes on and on and on.

All these thoughts are so depressing.

I must be trying to run away from something.

I'm totally deflated.

It's too late.

Posted via email from dreams intersection

Chaos

You know which one is the biggest mistake of all?

That is to think that you're actually good at Chinese.

Didn't you have a hint of it much earlier?

It hurts so much.

And the consequence is too much for me to bear.

I hate you.

Now I genuinely wish I haven't come back.

Sorry for failing to keep the promise.

Posted via email from dreams intersection

The unjustifiable mistake

I wake up in the morning and I wonder

Why everything's the same as it was?

Is that all you've been following?

Is that all you've given?

Sounds more like a joke to me now.

I've been taking a lot of risk.

But that's enough.

It's about time to let go.

I hate to disappoint people again and again.

I'm not losing heart.

Just I really need to settle down now.

I'm sorry.

Posted via email from dreams intersection

Mark my words

The last sip of sangría.

The last glimpse of the mighty cathedral.

The last breath in the small yet nice city.

Please do keep reminding me that I didn't leave all these beautiful things for ANYTHING LESS.

The future can be challenging.

But I can do better.

Much better.

Posted via email from dreams intersection